FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
