I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
