Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize