Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
