As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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