babies were throwing up all over the place
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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