Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
