the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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