I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
