Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
