Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
