I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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