Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
