I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
