I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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