In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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