I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
