somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Two words: nipple clamps
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