I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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