Betty ford says i'm here all night
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
