is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
