Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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