im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You're like the curious george of whores
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
