when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
