I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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