I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
