i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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