A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
