sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's never too late to be topless.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
