hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
