Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
