Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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