I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
