i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize