Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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