So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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