What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
