Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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