I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
