there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
