The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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