hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
