i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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