I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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