so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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