i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
