I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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