Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
