Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
