At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
