Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
