Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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