Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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