You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
