Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
