Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
