i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
