matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she smelled like a LAN party
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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