If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
