Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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