I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
