I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
