Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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