Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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