I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
