I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?