I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
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Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here