Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
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Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD