Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dating After Heartbreak
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.