It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ketchup is God's man juice
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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