dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
