I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
