Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
