I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
