I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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